After attending Judi's funeral this weekend, Suds got very sick and was diagnosed with bloat. The choices were a thousands of dollars no guarantee surgery or putting him down. And in that moment I realized once again that being an adult is terrible because you're faced with sucky choices like this. My heart and my head felt disconnected trying to process logic and feeling.
We lost him on Sunday and came home one family member short.
We spent the day in shock and disbelief. That really just happened?
I can't even tell you how empty our house feels without him. There are signs of him everywhere, the worn down couch, Dexter's room (long ago we had started the tradition of him saying goodnight to a picture of Suds he had swiped from the living room), our learned routines of letting him out in the morning and leaving the TV on for him before leaving for work in our bones. Waves of grief wash over me and Josh. Our hearts break, put themselves back together and then all of a sudden fall to pieces again.
It just wasn't supposed to be this way.
Suds brought a lot of joy (and a lot of anxiety, yes) to our lives. He didn't know any fancy tricks but he could chew up a doorknob with the best of them. He was a gentle giant who couldn't see a squirrel but could chase a fly. He fancied butter but not raw chicken. He tugged hard with his dad but not with his mom since he was certain she wasn't as tough. And he was THE BEST friend for Dexter.
We love you, Sudsy.