On Mother's Day

This last week has been silly. Evy came home with a fever on Monday. I left work with a fever on Thursday. I picked Dexter up with a fever on Friday. Yeah. Silly.

Two weeks ago, I took this video and haven't been able to stop watching it and laughing. Dexter does an excellent James Brown impression and Evy shakes what her mama gave her.

Motherhood is a journey of ups and downs, my friends.

Happy travels to all you Mamas out there.

Our evenings

Many days we get home from work and race to finish up the day--dinner on the table, bedtime, bath time. We also prepare for the next day--washing bottles, storing milk, pulling out clothes for the next day, making lunches--it's the boring side of being an adult, being a parent. After daycare the kids are sometimes cranky and Dexter is always starving. It's an art trying to figure out the right portion for a snack. Too much and there's no hope for dinner. Too little and the edge of a hunger-induced tantrum lurks quietly behind his eyes. This is a small battle that feels larger when you're in it. Some evenings we collapse on the couch and let out a great sigh of relief.

The weather has turned warm though and occasionally Josh and I will do our own little happy hour with drinks and music on the patio. Dexter runs around chasing bubbles and birds, he's pretty good at catching the former, not so much the latter. Evy kicks her chubby little legs from her bouncy seat just happy to be along for the ride. On these evenings, we sit, we sip, we breathe.

Mama of two

I am the mom of two. Two kids! Two! Two sounds legit. It sounds serious. It sounds like there's a chance that I might know what I am doing. Some days I do, many days it's an educated guess.

Dexter is the guinea pig. He came first. He is the OG. He reminds me that every challenge, every age is just a season, feeling like we are forever stuck and also in a fleeting moment all at the same time. We rode the wave from baby to boy together. We're still out there waiting for the next wave to come in.

Everly is the baby. She gave me my mama sway back. We are at the point where it feels as if she's been part of our family forever. Her new found smile is smoothing over all the bumps and cracks that my postpartum self felt.

The best is yet to come. Happy Mother's Day, mamas!

Honestly

The middle of our days are always a little different. But we begin and end the same way everyday. Just the two of us. At the beginning, there is the sleepy nursing session in the dim morning light of the bedroom, cuddled close. I reflect on how our night went, make a mental to do list for the day--laundry, pump, trip to Target for diapers, address birth announcements. All things that work best with two hands but I've learned that if necessary, I can get by with just one. I wonder when or if all these activities will get checked off the list. The list never includes a nap. I've learned that unlike death and taxes naptime is uncertain. Sleep when the baby sleeps is really sleep if the baby sleeps. I follow this advice fifty percent of the time because I personally find it impossible to ignore the to do list that is waiting in the wings for me.

Our middle sometimes includes visitors or errands. The errands are carefully planned between feedings. I take care to try to time the moment of drowsiness to coincide with the moment that we start down the driveway. It's my weapon to help ensure a smoother, quieter run to the store. A trip where the sleeping baby is precious and the mother doesn't look harried.

If we are at home for the day, I leave the TV on for both entertainment and for white noise. Embarrassing to admit but I can mark the time based on the show that's on. If it's Loralei and Rory, it's mid-morning. Dwight and Jim means only a few more hours until everyone gets home for the day. We move from room to room. A little light housework here and another feeding there. We dance, twirl, sway and bounce. We negotiate with one other. If I rock you for five more minutes, will you give me five more minutes in your bassinet? If not your bassinet, then in the swing? If not the swing, then in my arms on the couch? If not on the couch, then shall we dance again?

I am exhausted and energized. I bounce between doubting myself and feeling confident in my ability to mother. I look around and see dirty dishes in the sink, toys strewn about and laundry to be folded. I look down and see that you've fallen asleep in my arms. This is a glimpse of our middle. Simultaneously hard and easy. Six weeks moving slow and fast.

At the end of our day, there is the wondering of what kind of night lies ahead. There is the one last sleepy nursing session cuddled close in the dark of the bedroom. And we end our day as we began, just the two of us.

Everly: One month

Full disclosure: I don't like newborn babies. I mean, I love my babies and all but I would never describe myself as a baby person. I don't swoon over the tiny hands or take deep breaths of the newborn smell. For me, the newborn phase is just a stepping stone (or rather ginormous hurdle) that we have to get through so that we can move onto the fun stuff. My philosophy is let's lose the smushed face newborn thing and get those little cheeks fattened up ASAP. Let's hurry along the hold me all day and night thing. Bring on the days spent half cuddling and half entertaining yourself in your bouncy seat, exersaucer, swing or blanket on the floor. Basically, just give me a six month old baby right off the bat. Maybe even a three month old.

So it is with a bit of excitement that I say that Everly is now one month old. We are cruising along here. And when I say cruising I really mean that we are stumbling and fumbling all over ourselves because we are still sleep deprived, still getting to know this little girl and still trying to transition from one kiddo to two kiddo mode but nonetheless we are one month closer to the fun stuff!

You would've thought that I would've learned my lesson after Dexter about trying to come up with rationale and rhyme and reason for anything a baby does. Nope, didn't. I googled away to find any sort of explanation about anything. I tried to hypothesize what kind of routine we were in with Everly. Note: we're not in one. I finally turned to Josh this week and said, "I think that I need to just stop". So this is me stopping. I read this article and I found myself nodding and saying uh-huh, exactly, preach on. Just babies being babies.

Evy, you are the sweetest curmudgeon of a baby. When you're uncomfortable, you let everyone know it. You're loud and a little bit of a diva, honestly. One wrong jostle or swaying movement and you'll give us a grunt and a furrowed brow. If it's something really offensive, it will be a wail until we correct our course. Maybe you'll be the type of girl who absolutely positively knows what she wants and how to get it from her life.They have different words for this I think. Headstrong? Stubborn? :)

Your happy place is the changing table. I don't know what is so comforting about that table but you are content to just lay up there and watch the rest of the world go by. Your brother is curious about you and insists on patting, poking, prodding you and kissing your cheeks (which are getting chubbier by the day). You don't mind this at all. Is all your patience reserved for him? Are you two in cahoots already?

Thanks for playing along the past four weeks, girl. Excited to see what month two brings. (Ahem, ahem, sleep).

Everly's birth story

So statistics say that only 10% of women will actually have their water break before contractions start during labor.

I am the 10%. It happened with Dexter and it happened on the second go around. These are the highlights from Everly's birth story.

Before the hospital:

I went to the doctor the Friday before she arrived. He checked me and said "You're a two.  Hmmm, and you were a two last week?" Yup. And then he offered to strip my membrane. Have you heard of this? Read about it here. It sounds unpleasant and I knew there was plenty of unpleasantness coming down the pipe sooner or later so why rush? I politely said no thank you. Keep your hands to yourself, good sir.

Considering I had stalled out, I left the doctors office feeling fairly confident that I would be back the following week to discuss being induced. Blech.

But then Sunday rolled around and wouldn't you know it, my water broke and no contractions. Deja vu. I knew better this time around though. I was not about to rush to the hospital just to get dosed with pitocin and to lie on my back writhing in pain. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So instead I spent a few more hours at home and tried to get a little more sleep, showered, packed my bag (yeah, I hadn't done that yet), ate a pop tart and read a few more chapters of Mindy Kaling's book. Still stalled out.

We got Dexter up and took him to my dad's before we headed to the hospital. This is the last photo of Dexter without a sibling.

At the hospital:

And now, two things that I said I wanted to go differently from my last labor:

1. I would have contractions first and then my water would break.  Obviously DENIED.
2. I did not want pitocin. DENIED.

And now, six things that did go differently from my last labor:

1. I didn't lie flat on my back writhing in pain after the pitocin. I rocked in the rocking chair and squirmed in pain instead-ha!
2. I received a hot tip from my friend that the epidural is not the only drug for pain management. There's a little dose of heaven that they can put in your IV drip that's pretty gosh darn effective too. I was counting on this to tide me over until I was ready to call in the big guns. Thanks, Kelly!
3. Big money, big money, no whammys, no whammys. BAM! During that reprieve, I went from a 3 to a 7. Jackpot! Epidural time! I pulled the trigger too early on the epidural last time and felt every little thing during the latter part of the labor. So not fun.
4. What the what? Time to push already? That took like half the time of Dexter's birth! Say whaaat?
5. Push, push, push. And we're done? That's all? That was amazing. I'm going to tell everyone who's on their first kid that they have to have a second just so that they can feel like a rock star at this labor thing.
6. I can't feel my legs. I have no legs! This is awesome. Do what you gotta do, Doc. We're good here.

Everly came into this world quickly and quietly. She has since found her lungs but for those first hours she was so quiet and just taking it all in.

And now, one thing that changed our world.

My triumphant return to blogging aka I'm on maternity leave!

We are now a family of four! We are excited! We are working on our new normal!  We are sleep deprived! But hey, look! A baby!

Everly is here. I'll share my thoughts on her birth in a separate post because even second kids deserve their own birth story post. 

Josh has been off of work for the first week which has been amazing. He's a good dad and hubby, that one. He's all over the diaper situation (and it's a real situation! One after every feeding, I swear!), makes the tightest swaddle, is dealing with the emotional daycare drop off of Dexter and is camping out on the couch with me at night even if he doesn't have the boobs that this baby requires. You're good stuff, Joshie.

Dexter is adjusting. He announces to us when "that baby" is crying or moving. He's been fairly sweet to Evy, patting her like we do, giving her kisses. It's pretty cute. On the flip side, we can tell he is getting used to it all too, seeking our attention more, asking us to watch him while he plays. I've been worried about this transition for him since he's been our one and only for a few years. When he was leaving the hospital after visiting us, he looked at me and said "you come too" and I nearly burst into tears. 

I am pretty emotional these days. I blame it on the postpartum hormones. The sweet gestures from friends and family have been overwhelming. These have also nearly brought me to tears. We just know such good people. I struggled the first couple of days with the nursing thing because ouch, engorgement and being so tired and achy that I could weep. Full disclosure: I did weep. Having a baby is definitely a physical thing but make no mistake, it's a mental thing too. I suspect this isn't the last of the breakdowns for me. Let's chat after the cluster feeds, mmmkay?

A few scenes from the first week.

Yes, that is a butt flap on her PJs. Happy Valentine's Day!

After our pediatrician appointment, we thought let's stop by Bake Shoppe for some monster cookies...and a Dutch letter...and a turtle bar...and a pair of eclairs. She's a real beaut, right?

Welcome to our new normal.

And now a word about tantrums

What is up with the tantrums, man? There's this part in Where the Wild Things Are:

"And when he came to the place where the wild things are, they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws..."

That is pretty much how I feel when Dexter is in the middle of a tantrum. This kid who says to his dad "how bout hug?" before bed and says "ooh, sowwy, mama", if he accidentally hits me while pretend sword fighting, who is generally mild mannered and sweet, shy even, loses his (earmuffs here) shit. There's a lot of tears involved, a fair amount of yelling, oh and as an added bonus he's recently added jumping up and down to his repertoire. Fun stuff, I tell you. It is not a slow meltdown either. There's no time to brace yourself for impact, it's zero to sixty in no seconds flat. It is loud and proud and beyond comfort or caring.

Tantrums leave me exhausted. They leave me frazzled and frustrated. The quickest way to take the wind out of my sails as a parent is to throw a tantrum into the mix. He ate his meal without complaint, put away his toys, turned the TV off without a whine--nothing to see here, folks just a little A+ parenting. But then. But then a tantrum strikes and pfffft. Wind gone. Just another deflated mother struggling to wrangle her son and pull him back from the edge of insanity and despair while trying not to fall in herself.

Perhaps I'm being a tad bit dramatic but there's a certain feeling of helplessness when this is going down. It's happening and it's happening fast and the attempts to ignore, acknowledge and distract aren't working. I realize my job is to teach him how to handle his feelings and I'm to mold him into a well-adjusted little person. Sometimes though all I can think is WTF, I did not sign up for this (I did). It's the kind of situation that requires grace under pressure and that my friends, is something I have not yet mastered. Sweats under pressure is more my style.

Have you heard that three year olds are worse? I've heard that. Lord, help us all. This too shall pass. And I am counting down the days.

Um, who is this kid?

I took this photo at the zoo a couple of weekends ago and good heavens, who is this kid? I mean, seriously he looks like a legit kid. Toddler? What toddler?

This was our first trip to our zoo here and we had excellent tour guides in our cousins. The animals were fine but I'm fairly confident that Dexter's favorite part was the playground. That playground brought out the wild man in him. At one point I found him trying to scale a ladder. Then, the kid who is ever so cautious around the baby slides at the park tried to launch himself down two tube slides. It was madness, I tell you.

Dexter is equal parts cute and challenging. He makes us laugh with his incessant chatter and funny faces. He pretends to be a pirate and a superhero. He corrects us. "Look, Dex, a beetle." "No, mama, BUG." He sings like the guy who only knows half of the lyrics of a song, muttering the middle parts under his breath but then with all his might belting out the last word. He loves cartoons even the really bad ones. I'm talking the cartoon with the two black and white terriers. Chauncey and Frenchy? I totally made those names up. Never mind, it's not good. Mickey is the bees knees though. He can do no wrong in that little boy's eyes. Should we ever make it to Disneyworld, and this mama would love to, I think his mind would explode if he crossed paths with that mouse.

We are still working on the whole tantrum thing. Sometimes we'll make it out of the store without a single whine. Other times we aren't so lucky. I imagine that I'm about as red in the face as he is during those times. He gets terribly frustrated when he can't do something by himself like put on socks or get a puzzle piece to fit. It's a good reminder for both of us that patience is something we learn, not something we are born with. He is beginning to test us and let me tell you, that is super fun. Repeating yourself over and over is not annoying at all. I'm not sure what's worse though, the kid who is just not listening or the kid who shakes his head no when you ask him to do something. Ummm, actually I'm gonna go with the kid who shakes his head no. Definitely worse.

Parenting a two year old is tough stuff. It's like the adorable puppy with its tiny paws and big eyes that eventually nips at you and poops all over your carpet. Equal parts cute and challenging.

Mother's Day 2013

So I made it to Day 8 of the blog every day thing and then I vanished. For a good reason though! We had family in town...and I didn't like the prompts for those days. Or maybe I just didn't feel like thinking about the prompts. Whatever, I do what I want.

So Mother's Day weekend happened and guess what? I didn't have to work! Hooray and cheers all around! The annual fundraising walk from my old job falls on Mother's Day weekend every year and while it was a little strange seeing the photos on facebook and not being part of it, it was so nice to actually be at home on Saturday morning to greet the family and not walk in hours later feeling like I'd been hit by a truck.

There was cheese involved this weekend because when isn't there cheese involved with this family of mine? I told someone that our family wanted to go to The Cheese Shop at the Shops at Roosevelt and they gave me a funny look and were all like "do they really like cheese or something?" and all I could think was "Um, have you never had cheese before? What kind of question is that?" I don't know if we can be friends if you're all bewildered about why someone would want to sample a bunch of fine cheeses. Scram. Go on, git.

We spent time outside and had a lovely dinner at home, ate brunch out and took flowers to my mom. Then Josh, Dexter and I ended the weekend at the park by ourselves. It was a good weekend for this mama.

 

And just for funsies, a little compare and contrast...

This year: 

Last year:

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

That's what happens when you speak too soon

Last week Dexter had his two year old checkup and the doctor made the remark about how we have managed to stay out of their office this winter despite all the junk that's been running rampant this season. Shortly after that observation was made, I went and ran my mouth to my coworkers and sitter about this miracle of miracles.

Twelve hours later, Dexter woke up in his own puke. It's probably the saddest and grossest thing all at the same time. Poor kid.

Helplessness really is one of the top adjectives that comes to mind when your kid is sick. For me there is also a level of uncertainty about whether I'm doing the right thing. And I hate uncertainty. So I rely on those who have walked the path before me for reassurance and advice. We are one of the last in our circle of friends to the baby-having game and in times like these, I'm glad we weren't the trailblazers. I'm sure some of it is the blind leading the blind but I'd rather be the latter than the former. 

There was a lot of TV watching, cracker nibbling and water guzzling this weekend. Friday and Saturday were the saddest days. He barely said a word and cuddled like crazy which is terribly out of the ordinary for a kid that is go go go these days. Cuddling? Ain't nobody got time for that. (Sorry, I had to.) He even fell asleep on me on the couch. Whaaa?

A popsicle seemed to lift his spirits later that day and by Sunday we were starting to get a glimpse of the regular Dexter. It's been so strange with his alternate sick personality. The house is just so quiet. There wasn't the sound of steps bounding through the rooms or play-by-play announcement ("I hold it!", "I kicked it", "I throw it"). No fake crying. I actually kind of missed the fake crying. Don't tell him I said that though.  

Dexter's still not 100% but hopefully we'll knock this bug out this week.